Silly Theories
Just because this looks like a page full of silly ideas doesn't mean it is.... see www.butteredcat.co.uk. Posting only allowed for registered users.
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mark
New member
From: UK
Registered: 07-11-2003
Posts: 7
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1. Cats always land on their feet
2. Toast always falls butter side down.
What happens when you attach a piece of buttered toast to the back of a cat and then drop it?
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| 15-08-2000 19:42 |
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mark
New member
From: UK
Registered: 07-11-2003
Posts: 7
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Just a thought to start things off. Does the butter have to be applied to toast or can it be directly applied to the cats back ?
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| 15-08-2000 20:32 |
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If the butter were applied directly to the cat's back, then the cat would be allowed to drop to the floor quite normally.
There is no rule that says anything about what happens to a directly buttered cat.
It is only toast that always falls butter side down, not cats.
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| 15-08-2000 20:39 |
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This website sucks. What kind of people worry about cats with toast tied to them. You guys are weird.
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| 15-08-2000 20:43 |
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My cat has no legs, so presumably the old addage ceases to be "A cat always lands on it's feet"
and becomes "A cat always lands".
So to prove this I conducted a series of controlled condition tests, where firstly I threw a doughnut off the top of my house.
I called this test - TEST (A)
And then I threw "Chestnut" off the top.
I called this test - TEST(B)
After 15 tests of TEST(A) the pattern of the results seemed that the doughnut had a habit (on the whole) of landing.
After 15 tests of TEST(B) the pattern seemed to be that Chestnut also landed, however the conclusion I drew was that "A cat with no legs soon learns to bounce"
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| 15-08-2000 21:00 |
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What happens if you use margarine?
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| 15-08-2000 21:05 |
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It's a bugger to get out of your pubes.
Oh sorry, you mean on the toast.
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| 15-08-2000 21:10 |
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mark
New member
From: UK
Registered: 07-11-2003
Posts: 7
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Margarine? Good point, but I think that the differences will be minimal.
Other coverings on the toast may have an effect too.
For example, if the covering is likely to stain the carpet/flooring below, will the likelyhood of the toast hitting the floor be increased?
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| 15-08-2000 21:11 |
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The advent of fluff I imagine would yield positive results in a frequency distribution graph where:
TEST(A) - the test where a buttered cat is dropped as normal is represented by a yellow line
TEST(B) - the test where the floor has fluff all over it, (and maybe some pubes and hair and things) is represented by a blue line,
And where the x-axis is measeured in TFD/Hz (toast face down per , erm...hertz) and the Y-axis is a standard
toastometer with toast face down at 100% and cat on feet at 0% and random unexplained events taking place in 5% around 50%
Done on a nice big sheet of paper and stuck up on the wall for the big children to see, with my name at the top, so everybody knows it was me what drew such a pretty thing.
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| 15-08-2000 21:49 |
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calm down.... less maths please.... I cannot even add up!
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| 15-08-2000 22:37 |
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Don't try to understand what cannot be understood.
Just make up bullshit.
It works for me.
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| 15-08-2000 23:11 |
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Surely as the cat approaches the ground, the counter force of the toast and the butter together will create a temporal vortex meaning they will both disappear from their current location and arrive somewhere completely unexpected. Like Belgium?
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| 16-08-2000 08:52 |
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There is a paradox here that can happen very easily with the assistance of a pair of scissors.
On cutting the string, the force of attraction between the 2 bodies will ultimately end up with the cat standing in the butter or the 'buttered toast'!.
Very similar to 2 opposite magnets.
Or Cat food and my naked toes!
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| 18-08-2000 11:50 |
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I am going to use the physical theory: Matt's law of making stuff up!!!!!
So if you drop a cat with a piece of toast strapped to it off a high place the forces will repel each other so much that a totally new creature will hit the ground, a.... wait for it.... Toast Cat' whose feet will always be on the side that there is butter!!!!!!
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| 03-09-2000 14:55 |
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If we can get the 'hovering cat' thing to work, imagine the world benefits! Light vehicles could be built on a chasis of live felines, and we could use electricity to power a big fan on the back, or some such non wheel based device. Cats would become as attractive as gold, never would we see a neglected kitten on the street again!
Vurt
www.webtribe.net/v/vurt
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| 08-09-2000 00:50 |
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hmmm.....so what happens when strap to cats together or even to pieces of buttered toast? btw. if spinning does occur, what causes them to spin one way or the other?
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| 04-10-2000 13:28 |
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Rich - Brit trapped in US
Guest
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OK, it's Rich from the US....
been thinking about this, i dare say for almost 5 minutes, so this is supergenious stuff about to be written here.
we have a buttered cat dropped from an arbitrary height.... and we assume that the cat, due to the laws of toast and feline Physics must never be able to hit the ground.....
two thoughts.....
what happens to the kinetic energy gained by the cat/buttered toast as it accelerates due to gravity? Clearly Newton tells us that energy has to go somewhere (no comments about Einstein here etc... let's just go with it for the moment), but where does it go if the cat levitates? if the toast were removed, would the energy be re-transformed back into kinetic and released in the form of an excessive acceleration? with no way to dissipate, and the energy being transferred from kinetic to potential energy and then back again, perhaps we have come across something massive here that could be a milestone in the science of mankind: 100% efficient energy storage systems.....
so imagine this.....
electric cars running on the power of harnessed levitating buttered cats.
power stations with mile after mile of buttered cats all in a row.
of course for electric cars, some energy would be lost in converting the velocity from downwards to forwards etc, but I will leave that debate open.
now think about what would happen if the conversion was other than to some form of PE - as the cat approaches the ground is the energy perhaps converted to mass - is this an exception to Einstein's E=mc bar 2'd ? do buttered cats perhaps hold a crucial link in the future of time and space travel? paws for thought here. (i know... atrocious but i couldn't resist)
now let's look at another aspect....
we have a levitating cat. now clearly if this cat were to struggle and cause rotation there would be very little friction - only the displacement of air around the cat would cause drag. Now imagine a cat in a vacuum.... no friction right? Clearly we may be looking at a near frictionless dynamo here.... a system for converting energy into electricity.... or a motor if vice versa. imagine this! in power stations we could increase the efficiency of power conversion! all we would need would, for the giant scales involved here, would be to develop a giant race of cats, delvelop some form of feline gas mask, and to find some way of making their bodies deal with the rotational, longitudinal forces imposed between each end of their bodies.
.... of course, we could solve that by putting a steel rod up the cat's arse. room for debate here.
oh and not forgetting the 10 ton magnets strapped to their sides.... this might be an issue.
ok, i have to go.... work to do....
i must just phone my bank manager: i can feel a government research grant coming on!
Rich
next week on Tomorrow's World - the Tokyo train system and how they're using buttered cats for near frictionless travel
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| 07-03-2001 13:21 |
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I've been thinking about this cat/toast business for a while. In the buttered toast case, it's the butter that causes it to land buttered side down - it doesn't have to be toast, the theory works equally well with Jacob's crackers. So to save money you just miss out the toast - and butter the cats.
Also, should there be an imbalance between the effects of cat and butter, there are other substances that have a stronger affinity for carpet.
Probability of carpet impact is determined by the following simple formula: p = s * t(t)/t? where p is the probability of carpet impact, s is the "stain" value of the toast-covering substance - an indicator of the effectiveness of the toast topping in permanently staining the carpet.
Chicken Tikka Masala, for example, has a very high s value, while the s value of water is zero.
t? and t(t) indicate the tone of the carpet and topping - the value of p being strongly related to the relationship between the colour of the carpet and topping, as even chicken tikka masala won't cause a permanent and obvious stain if the carpet is the same colour.
So it is obvious that the probability of carpet impact is maximised if you use chicken tikka masala and a white carpet - in fact this combination gives a p value of one, which is the same as the probability of a cat landing on its feet.
Therefore a cat with chicken tikka masala on its back will be certain to hover in mid air, while there could be problems with buttered toast as the toast may fall off the cat, causing a terrible monorail crash resulting in nauseating images of members of the royal family visiting accident victims in hospital, and politicians saying it wouldn't have happened if their party was in power as there would have been more investment in cat-toast glue research.
Therefore it is in the interests not only of public safety but also public sanity if the buttered toast on cats idea is scrapped, to be replaced by a monorail powered by cats smeared with chicken tikka masala floating above a rail made from white shag pile carpet
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| 12-03-2001 13:34 |
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firstly i love ure web site but i was just wondoring when are you planing to do this experiment and i want photos and does the weight of the cat matter of the thickness of the bread or the amount of butter used
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| 17-09-2002 10:00 |
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Yeah, I want to see pictures of the experiements...
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| 04-01-2003 10:59 |
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I typed "buttered + cats + toast" into my browser and found that a lot of websites have taken your theory, added their own retarded brand of humor to it, and posted it on their sites without giving this site credit. Do you care and/or are you already aware of the plagiarism? If so, ignore this email.
For example, one site, catsarefrommars.com writes:
"The Laws of Butterology demand that the butter must hit the ground, and the equally strict Laws of Feline Aerodynamics demand that the cat must not smash its furry back. If the combined construct were to land, nature would have no way to resolve this paradox. Therefore, it simply does not fall!!
"That's right! The secret of feline antigravity is finally revealed! A buttered cat, when released into the air, will quickly move to a height where the forces of cat-twisting and butter-repulsion are in equilibrium. This equilibrium point can be modified by scraping off some of the butter, therefore providing lift, or by removing some of the cat's limbs, allowing descent. Examine the photo of the levitating cat above very carefully. Notice the brownish area on the cat's back? It's butter!
"Most of the civilized species of the universe (including cats) already use this principle to drive their ships while within a planetary system. How do you think they got from Mars to Earth in the first place?! The loud humming heard by most sighters of UFOs is, in fact, the purring of several hundred butter-laden tabbies.
"The one obvious danger, of course, is that if the cats manage to eat any of the butter from off of their backs they will instantly plummet. Of course, the Laws of Feline Aerodynamics will once again take over and the cat will land on its feet, but this usually doesn't do them much good since right after they make their graceful landing, several tons of red-hot spaceship will come crashing down on them.
"Actually, would that necessarily be a bad thing?"
This sounds exactly like your theory except for the fact that it is written really badly and has all the parts she thought were especially clever bolded and italicized so that we can figure out when she is trying to be funny. Not to mention she makes up gay words like "sighters". Although I am sure this woman doesn't get very many hits to her site and doesn't make any money off of it (no advertisements), she still doesn't give a link to your site anywhere.
I hope I have caused you to consider busting some ass,
Drew
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| 07-01-2003 00:53 |
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well its obvious isnt it? the cat/butter would land on its side!!
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| 03-02-2003 08:23 |
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Buttered cats should fly.
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| 05-02-2003 14:13 |
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paulo johnson frae camble
Guest
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may I introduce a new theory . . . rather than hover, split in two or become a toast/cat genetic-cross, I would venture that the nature of our universe dictates that one or the other would hit first. However since both occurences are tautaulogous and must occur, I must surmise that they both do . . . we would see only one or the other (for the sake of poor wee puss puss, let's hope its the cat's feet and not it's barely-protected spine) - however we may rest assured that in a parallel universe the opposite has also occurred. We may wax lyrical about quantum theory and how likely which is to manifest in which universe, but both can and do happen.
May I also enquire as to what effect the string/ribbon/rope/sello/gaffa tape you would use to attach the toast would have? To my knowledge there are no cheesy or obviously untrue proverbs pertaining to how such things fall to the ground, although I am always open to new and improved cliches....
schroedinger had a cat, didn't he?
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| 18-04-2003 14:07 |
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the cat would land on the toast
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| 14-11-2003 10:01 |
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cats will float if they are buttered and have toast on them,right? Well, if they float, then somebody should try it. Use a stuffed animal, and if it flaots, then try it with a real cat. Theoretcically, a cat should be suspended in mid air. after you do that, then all you have to is get about 8 more cats, and tie them together. If that works, then get a faux cat fur rug and try, it will be a flying carpet.
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| 14-11-2003 10:02 |
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i retrack my latest statemeant, a cat will not fly, and toast lands on the butttered side because its wheighs more, its simple logic. Further more, i dont agree with matt, he is dumb, hellen has the right iddea, it is stupid to drop a cat from high height.
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| 15-11-2003 01:26 |
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Actually, there are 2 possibilities:
1) The cat will land on its feet and the toast, being strapped to its back, will not land at all.
OR
2) The toast will land butter side down, and, being strapped to the cat, will prevent it from landing at all.
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| 17-12-2003 02:53 |
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the cat will surely just land on its side?
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| 28-01-2004 17:16 |
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sorry I see Helen had already thought of the above. After giving it some thought though, I think the cat would land on its neck having frantically been trying to lick the butter during the fall.
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| 28-01-2004 17:40 |
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I think that the cat would eat the toast while licking off the butter during its fall. Chicken pluckin' lickin fuckin'.
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| 25-02-2004 09:33 |
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Multi-Universe theory.
If the cat lands on its feet, this will start an alternative timeline where the world of inverse happen, where toast will always land the right way up, and you always catch the train. The logic will be split between these dual universes untill someone intentionally ensures that the cat will not land on its feet.
The second (new) universe will eventually collapse on itself leaving no record or recollection of the alternative universe. This may or may not collapse both universes.
You really shouldt play around with nature man, you could destroy EVERYTHING.
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| 18-08-2004 06:28 |
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Try this:
1. to make sure the toast always lands butter side down apply butter then peanut butter then a thick layer of jam.
2. tie the bread to the cat jam side up
3. put toast & cat in a toaster
4. drop it & see what happens
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| 16-12-2004 06:51 |
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Whitey
New member
Registered: 30-01-2005
Posts: 5
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Az wrote:
Surely as the cat approaches the ground, the counter force of the toast and the butter together will create a temporal vortex meaning they will both disappear from their current location and arrive somewhere completely unexpected. Like Belgium?
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I partially agree. A temporal vortex should appear, but the cat (or maybe the toast) will be transported to somewhere unknown where abouts, where they will learn the meaning of life, the universe, etc.
There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.
- Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
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So therefore, it COULD create an infinate loop that goes around on the idea that cats with buttered toast will keep appearing on basis of them getting weirder each time (Like, for instance, the second time, there is Strawberry Jam with the butter). This will eventually lead to the destruction of the universe in my opinion. 
As quoted by that great philosopher, Kermit T. Frog
| It's not easy being green |
/Whitey - UberSkilled.com Admin
Australia
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| 30-01-2005 16:08 |
| Last edited by Whitey (30-01-2005 17:21) |
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I'd just like to point out that this website has actually INCORRECTLY stated the cat-toast drive specification.
Presume that both the cat and the toast have 'landing requirements'. The toast's LR is "I must land with my buttered side on the ground". The cat's LR is "I must land with my feet touching the ground".
However, In the illustrated design the cat can land on its feet leaving the toast still attached to its back - therefore the toast has never truly landed on the ground and does not need to fulfill it's LR. It is still happily perched on the back of the cat.
The correct design for the Cat-Toast Drive is to attach the buttered side of a piece of toast to the cats feet. Therefore neither the cat or the toast can land as neither of them can fulfill their Landing Requirements.
I thank you 
Dr Nick
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| 11-04-2005 10:34 |
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I note that most of the worthies have focussed on keeping the cat/toast afloat.
I've been wondering how it all would MOVE ! The simplest solution I can think of is feeding this cat with a string of mice/rats. At some time when the digestive tract is fully occupied, there will be expulsion of matter from the cat's rear, and THAT would force the whole floating juggernaut forward. Taking this further, the rate of feeding would decide the rate of expulsion, and the speed of movement...
I invite further comments to this, and sharing of personal experiences - if any.
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| 15-04-2005 12:04 |
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Dr. Nick is right.
I guess we've all been wasting our time with an innacurate theory.
One footnote: In America we eat cats and toast shits in a box.
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| 15-04-2005 16:41 |
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The energy produced from a Cat-Toast Drive is the result of its rotation. While the Cat/Toast hovers, it will begin to spin given the forces upon it to find a correct landing orientation.
This spinning could become quite rapid and will cease when a landing condition is met, most likely the cat dying. (It is surely apparent to everyone that DEAD cats don't always land on their feet.) The energy from the CT Drive could be harness for many everyday uses, although fueling the Drive could be an issue.
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| 18-04-2005 15:42 |
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maybe the cat and the toast just lands on the side...
or gets stuck in a tree on the way down
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| 24-08-2005 13:35 |
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tash wrote:
maybe the cat and the toast just lands on the side...
or gets stuck in a tree on the way down
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You've obviously missed the whole point. It is theoretically impossible for the cat/toast contruct to land on it's side. That's the point. It has to land on the cat's feet, or the buttered side of the toast. There is no in-between, although the Tree Hypothesis is worth considering
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| 23-02-2006 11:13 |
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Olly wrote:
What happens if you use margarine?
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Ha ha very funny, i don't think it would be much different! :-b
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| 13-03-2006 17:30 |
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butter me senseless!
Guest
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(For those whom it concerns, ME is not the same person as HIM (not relating to the group...(The best ever!!))) (Whoa, brackets....)
ME: Well, I once accidently dropped a piece of toast on the floor with butter on it... It landed upright... No stains, no mess, it landed not butter first but facing up and uhhh, I.. well, one of my friends kic-- uhhh dropped his cat once and it landed on its back. WHY!!? Why wasn't it still breathing? Well... Does a cat still breath after throwing it 1m in the air?
HIM: ohh wtf Flangemaster what is the point of a cat with no legs and why would u throw a perfectly edible doughnut u weird person . but you have contributed the most to this website so i am indeed in ur debt
ME AGAIN: I can eat toast and cats...
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| 20-06-2006 03:49 |
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this is wren english
yay i am contributing
zachary touzel is also known as hitler ( hein neuf ) yay
ZIG HEIN!
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| 20-06-2006 03:53 |
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wren and wrote:
this is wren english
yay i am contributing
zachary touzel is also known as hitler ( hein neuf ) yay
ZIG HEIN!
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I REPEAT
ZIG HEIN!
(Hail Him!)
Zachary Touzel of Austria, I mean Australia
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| 20-06-2006 04:11 |
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i think its cool to be able to post things on your site...
hello nick and blake cotton. bleke asked me not to post him so bleke cotton smells bad...
yes definatley the cat would hover what else would they do except explode and enter a paralax universe where cats were dogs and dogs were cats and everythink was backwards...
yay im a bananna
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| 20-06-2006 06:50 |
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